Seek (Prequel Delirious) Read online

  “How so?”

  “Oh …” He chuckles. “Trust me when I say I’m going easy on you.”

  He leans down and starts kissing my skin agonizingly slow. My body heats up from his pecks. For some reason, I am okay with everything. I don’t understand myself anymore, because I never used to be this open, this available toward men. My first instinct was always to go for the safe option, the softer guys. Sebastian is anything but soft. He is rock hard, and not just in the physical way. I know so, because I’ve felt his chiseled abs through his shirt. His mentality is equally callous. He’s a man who doesn’t need a woman but chooses to want her for his own pleasure. A dangerous man. A man I am completely obsessed with.

  He nudges my legs aside when his hand approaches my pussy. “Spread.” He slaps my thigh softly, not harsh, but enough to make his point.

  “Sorry, Mister Brand.” The words echo in my head. I can’t believe I’m being this complacent.

  “It’ll only be more difficult to keep your legs open for me once I start teasing you, but you know you must. Remember who you gave your body to, Lillith.”

  When his index finger presses down on my nub, fire shoots through my nerves. God, he knows exactly how to make me hot for him. My entire body leans toward his finger as he slowly starts circling my clit with just one finger. It’s achingly slow, but satisfying, too, as he seems to smile contently. His finger slides down my wetness and into my pussy. I moan in delight as he slips it in and out, groaning with pleasure. Then his finger is gone, and I’m left with pure wantonness. He brings his fingers to his lips and puts them in his mouth, sucking hard.

  I feel dirty for liking it all.

  “Hmmm … You taste good, Lillith. I’ll need more of that soon.” He brings his wet fingers back to my pussy and inserts them, circling around inside. “Be wet for me, so wet, that when I’m done with you, I still won’t have enough.” I rock up and down with the movement of his fingers, desperately seeking more. With the palm of his hand, he strikes my inner thigh again.

  Ouch!

  The pain sizzles, flowing through my core, strengthening the intense sensations in my pussy. God, I never knew this could feel so good.

  “You like being spanked, Lillith. I can tell. Your pussy is so slick now.”

  I moan when he takes his fingers out and licks them like a popsicle. And then he rips down his zipper and takes out his cock. I’m amazed. Not at the fact that he’s apparently gone commando all night and that it means he knew what he was going to do to me tonight. No, I’m amazed at how horny it makes me just looking at him holding his own thick cock with a steady hand.

  From his pocket, he takes a packet, rips it, and rolls the condom over his cock in one sweep. I love watching him do it, as if he’s wrapping his gift for me.

  I’ve truly gone insane.

  He bucks his hip and widens my legs even further, holding his cock close to my pussy. The tip of his cock pushes against my entrance, teasing me. I smash my lips together in anticipation as he rocks his hips back and forth in a rolling motion. It looks so good, so … fuck. But he won’t give it to me. Instead, I’m left aching, wondering when he’s going to thrust inside. A huff of frustration leaves my mouth.

  “Patience, Lillith.”

  “I’m sorry, Mister Brand.”

  “Do you want this?” he asks.

  “Yes,” I moan.

  He slaps my inner thigh again, awakening my senses. I fight to stay in place.

  “Yes, what?”

  “Yes, Mister Brand.”

  “Can you see how much you like being taken, even if it’s against all your principles? How much you ache to be pushed past your boundaries?”

  “Yes … Mister Brand,” I huff.

  “Who does this body belong to tonight?”

  “You, Mister Brand. Only you. For tonight.” I swallow when he watches me a little too close.

  “Forever. If I choose it to be.”

  “That’s not what you said before, Mister Brand.”

  “Oh, I know what I said …” he says, pushing the tip further inside, making me gasp. “But I know that once you’ve felt my cock inside you, it’ll be hard for you to want anyone else anymore.”

  And then he pushes inside so deep, so hard, a loud moan follows from deep within my core. I’ve never had this feeling of utter fulfillment before. So … hungry for more. Because the only thing I can think of now that he’s inside of me is to repeat it over and over again.

  “Can you feel it, Lillith? The need growing deep inside of you? The need for a man who can take care of your wicked cravings?” He pulls his cock out again.

  “I’ve always needed you, Mister Brand.” Those last words come out in a groan when he thrusts back in again. He leans forward, grabs my waist, and rocks his hips back and forth.

  “You don’t need me, Lillith. You just need my cock to please your dirty mind. You need the mindless sex to numb your body. And I can give it all to you.”

  “Yes, give it to me,” I moan in delirious need.

  Suddenly, he pounces back down on me again, barely stopping before he falls on top of my body. His strong muscles hold him above the bed as he clings to the metal, breathing heavily as he pushes his cock inside harshly, forcing me to remember who is in control.

  “Beg me for it,” he hisses close to my lips.

  “Please … Mister Brand … give it to me.”

  His blue eyes flare with an intensity I haven’t seen before. It’s like he thrives on this.

  And then his lips crash down on mine. He takes my mouth with his, violently kissing me. The more he fucks me, the fiercer his kisses become. He plunders my mouth with his tongue, licking the roof of my mouth, suckling on my lip. A bite and tug cause me to moan so loud I’m afraid the entire hospital will hear me. However, Sebastian lulls me back into a dream-like state with his seductive whispers, oozing with sex. The dirty words play games with my mind until I no longer know the difference between right and wrong, between here and before, between this place and the next. All I know is cock, fuck, and oh god, yes.

  His elbow is beside my head as he grips my hair in his fist, pulling back, forcing me to look up at him. “Come for me, Lillith. Come from my cock pleasuring you.”

  The orgasmic waves come, but I do not control them. I feel stripped naked as I come apart under him just from his command. I’m vulnerable and completely under his spell, and it’s a formidable feeling to deal with. However, I wouldn’t want to exchange this for anything in the world. My body is heated, sweat dripping from my pores, my pussy aching with need—I’ve never felt this way before. This was out of this world.

  Sebastian arches his back as he comes up and grips my knees tight, digging his fingers into my skin. The look on his face is pure, primal need as he fucks me like there’s no tomorrow. Just one more thrust causes him to explode inside me. I can feel his warmth filling my pussy as he roars from lust. And then he buckles over and leans above me, panting. Sweat drops trickle down his face as I look into his eyes. For the first time, I see something in there—something so plain, so simple, so … utterly him. No mystery. No secrets. It’s as if the mask that he hides behind has slipped away for a moment and all that’s left is two lovers clinging to each other’s body. He is human, just like me. He is vulnerable, just like me. He has weaknesses—and can be broken—just like me.

  He swallows. His eyes narrow. The moment is gone.

  He lifts himself up as his cock spills from my pussy and takes the condom off, knotting it before putting it in his pocket. He tucks his cock back into his pants and zips up. His eyes wander over my body, a smile curving his lips. I’m still chained to the bed with his belt, silent under his merciful, lust-inducing touch. I don’t know what this is, if this is all real, or if it’s all just mind games, but I don’t care. I’d take this fantasy over reality any time.

  “What do you desire, Lillith?”

  “You, Mister Brand.”

  “Don’t play games with me, Lillith.”


  “I’m not.”

  “I know you don’t truly want only me.”

  “But I do…”

  He moves back on the bed. I don’t like it one bit.

  “There is something you want more than me.”

  “What?”

  “Close your eyes, Lillith.”

  I do what he says and breathe out a puff of air.

  “Now, think hard … what do you really need? What is within your grasp, and yet so far away? What would you beg for, get on your knees for, do anything for? What is it that your heart desires?” he says. “Say the first word on your tongue.”

  “Freedom.”

  I choke on my own breath. Air is stuck in my lungs as I struggle to cope with what I just said. I don’t know why a word, just that one word, tears me up so much. It wrenches my heart. What I want is what was taken away from me. Sebastian was never taken from me. He is right. There is something I need more than him; the ability to make a choice.

  Being in this facility has stripped me of all that. It has made me a meek, lifeless lamb following the herd. I’m no longer the strong girl I used to be. I’m just a remnant of her.

  “Shhh …” Sebastian whispers as he slides back on the sheets. “No tears tonight, Lillith.”

  I swallow back the impending wetness in my eyes as Sebastian goes to his knees in front of me and perches his head close to my pussy.

  “Let me make it all better for you.” A soft kiss is pressed onto my skin, leaving me breathless. His lips are soft and tantalizing as he moves down, promising another heavy orgasm.

  I moan when he nibbles and tugs on my inner lips. I can feel him grin against my pussy. “You make me too soft, Lillith. But I’ll allow it for the night. You’ve given me a truthful answer, and now I’ll reward you for it.” His hand drifts up my body, nudging aside my bra. “Close your eyes, Lillith. Let me suck, lick, bite, and devour you so you’ll never have to think of anything else but my tongue on your clit again.”

  Accompanying song: “Secret Garden” by Snow Ghosts (Richard Skelton Remix)

  Summermount Psychiatric Hospital – April 20th, 2013

  When I wake up from an all-consuming sleep, I am alone again. Sebastian has disappeared, but I can still smell his scent on me. I take in a deep breath and look around. My roommate is still gone, her bed empty as if she never slept there. I check the time on my clock. It’s ten a.m., way past breakfast time. I’m late. Shit, I overslept. After last night … Jesus, who wouldn’t have?

  “Miss Carrigan, get up!” Someone knocks on my door vehemently. “You’re late!”

  “I’m sorry!” I call out as I get up from the bed. The woman barges in while I’m still trying to pull my panties back on. She winces. “You slept in that attire? You know that’s against the rules.”

  “I didn’t. Sebastian was here.”

  Her eyes widen. Shit. Did I just actually say that? I want to slap myself. I’m still in such a haze; I don’t even know what I’m saying. Now, I’ve made a fool out of myself.

  “Miss Carrigan, Sebastian, or however you want to call him, was not here, he did not come to your room, and you certainly haven’t talked to him.”

  “Oh, we did so much more than just talking …” I sigh while putting on my pants.

  “He. Doesn’t. Exist.”

  I frown. I’m getting pissed just looking at her. It’s not often that I get pissed, but I hate people confronting me with things that are none of their business.

  “He. Does,” I say.

  “Stop lying to yourself.”

  “I can prove it.” I pull apart the mattress and the box spring, taking out the box where I keep all the notes I get from Sebastian. I grab a few, get back up, and push them into the palm of her hand. “Here.”

  Baffled, she just stares at me like I’m insane or something.

  “Well, look at them,” I say.

  She picks one up, opens it, and laughs.

  She laughs.

  I did not expect that.

  “You’re not serious, are you?”

  “What’s so funny? He gave me those notes.”

  “Miss Carrigan …” She places her hand flat on her forehead and chuckles. “You wrote this yourself.”

  “What? No, I didn’t.”

  “Have you even looked at these?” she says, and then she holds it in front of me.

  In shock, I gaze at the paper, my legs trembling, almost giving away. I’m horrified.

  “No…” I shake my head, tears welling up in my eyes.

  “You did this, and you don’t even remember.” She tucks the notes into her pocket and then walks to my bed, grabs the box, and takes it with her.

  “Don’t take those!”

  “Miss Carrigan, I have to. You know this isn’t good for you, I have no other choice. You have to start facing the truth.”

  I try to fight her for the box, but she pushes me back. “Behave, or I’ll send a guard your way and you’ll be strapped to the bed for the rest of the day!”

  She dismisses me with a look that makes me want to scream and tear my hair out.

  “I expect to see you at breakfast within five minutes.” With an annoyed stride, she walks out the door and slams it shut behind her.

  “Fuck you!” I yell, but it’s no use, since she can’t hear me anymore.

  I break down against the door, sniffing, bawling my eyes out while I sink lower and lower, deeper and deeper, into the darkness that resides in my heart. I rummage in my pocket looking for some tissues. Once I grab ahold of something, I take it out, and almost blow my nose with it when I realize it’s not really a tissue. It’s another note. And this time it’s sealed shut with tape.

  Fazed, I look at it, wondering what in the hell this all means. With care, I peel the tape, trying not to rip the paper, when a key drops out from underneath. I grab it from the floor and look at it. Something about this key seems very familiar, like I’ve seen it a million times before. I tuck it in my pocket, too curious about the note.

  Lillith. I hope you had some very sweet, deliciously naughty dreams last night. I cannot stay by your side, but know that I thoroughly enjoyed our time together. Do not fear the future. I do think I have given you enough incentive to bloom again. So let me give you this one last gift to complete your transition. Break free from this place. Make it your choice to look for your own salvation, and don’t listen to what anyone else tells you to believe.

  You wanted freedom. Be free.

  But do not, under any circumstances, try to find me. Ever.

  This is not just a warning.

  I saved your life. I could ruin it just the same.

  Being with me will destroy you.

  Find your own path. Free yourself of the burden to need anyone but yourself in this world. It’s for the best.

  Sebastian Brand.

  A knot forms in my chest, preventing me from breathing. This note makes me feel ill. This isn’t my handwriting, contrary to what everyone wants me to think. Regardless, this note speaks volumes, but I refuse to believe Sebastian doesn’t want me. He does. I could see it in his eyes, that moment of pure honesty, where I saw a tiny inch of emotion seeping through his heart, dripping into mine. He needs a companion.

  Why he writes this—that I have to stay away or he’ll destroy me—baffles me.

  Something isn’t right. I can’t … I can’t do what he wants. No matter how much I try to make myself believe I can obey his command—this one time, I can’t do it. I need to be with him.

  Taking the key out of my pocket, I realize what I need to do. I finally recognize it, and its purpose is exactly what I need right now. With this, I will escape this institution and find Sebastian so that I can be his forever.

  I am insane, and I don’t care.

  Illusion or not, I’d rather live a lie than die in here trying to find out what happened to me.

  So, I get up and pack my things in a hurry, not stopping to think about the consequences of my decision. The only sin I think ab
out is my heinous selfishness when it comes to Ashley. I am leaving her here, alone, to rot, and I hate it. However, I know I’ll never get past the guards unseen and break her out. It’ll never happen. The only thing I can pray for is that I get out of here without being seen, and that one day I can come back here to get her out.

  Making a cross on my chest, I swear to her with a whisper that I will get her away from here one day, using whatever means necessary. I will make this right.

  Accompanying song: “Dream Is Collapsing” by Hans Zimmer

  Unknown - January 29th, 2013

  In his arms, I collapse. I can’t take this anymore. They’ve stripped me of everything. Not just of my clothes, but of my humanity. I’m nothing; a soulless, vapid shell of the fiery redhead I used to be. My muscles refuse to listen to my commands; they’ve lost the will to function. I’ve lost the will to walk. To talk. To live. There is no point anymore. They broke me.

  “Stay with me.”

  I hear his voice—it feels so far away, even though I know he’s nearby. I can hear his heart beat inside his chest, the rhythmic pumps so soothing, so controlled. Not even one bit faster than before.

  His warm hands cradle me as I hang lifeless in his arms, my head leaning against his shoulder. I take in a whiff of air. His musky scent calms down my heart, which was beating so fast I felt like it was going to burst from my chest.

  He holds me close to him, like a precious gem he doesn’t want to lose. He pets my hair in long, soft strokes. His voice is low, steadfast, concerned. His words are strained with guilt.

  If only I knew why.

  “Lillith,” he says.

  I can barely hear him now. My eyes keep closing, tired of the world.

  “Lillith, look at me.” His authoritative voice brings me back in the here and now. Raising my head, I look at him, and suddenly, I notice all the blood spatters on his face. His eyes are filled with tears of remorse.